Where did my life go?

One does have to wonder...

Oh, I know where part of it is. He's out wandering the streets of Denver after everyone else got as fed up with the manipulating and mooching as I did. It's hard to think of someone I once loved, someone I married being out there in those circumstances, but long ago I realized I could not fix him. He had to fix himself. He has chosen not to, and this is the result. I can feel compassion but I cannot help him. He has to choose to pull himself up. Maybe he will. I hope he does. But I am powerless to force him.

And then there is all that work. I am still doing two things, thrift store by day, phone sex diva by nite. (Well my calls aren't really sex, they are very similar to the real time sessions you read about here-- or used to read about here. That is, after all, what this post is about.) The phone job isn't just about taking calls. You tweet, you blog, you email, you flirt. (And sometimes you get to be someone who isn't you at all! I am greatly enjoying that!)

But it does keep one busy.

It's been a year now since my marriage ended. 18 months since the decision to end it was made.

At that time my life was a whirlwind of activity and play partners. But now it's almost at a stand still.

Sure, I still have pc but mostly he behaves. Bunny is busy with family and work in Tennessee, and there's a great guy in Montana who knows exactly the right thing to say at exactly the right time, but he doesn't get here very often. And the things I do with him are very different from the type of activity I usually record here. They're darker, more brutal, and there's no spanking.

Yes, you read that right.

In fact I am not spanking anyone at all. Oh, I could be, I know that all it would take would be a snap of my fingers and there would be a line of eager boys at the door. I just haven't wanted to go find them.

No, the fact is I've rather enjoyed being solitary. I like the quiet. I like being able to do the things I want to do when I want to do them. I like being able to read without background noise or interruption.

I'm exploring new areas of my spiritual path that work better when I have time alone to mediate and experiment.

So really I don't much feel the need to have anyone right now. Lance finds his way down here about every six weeks. Right now that's enough.

Except, I realized the other day that I miss spanking. So I suppose fairly soon here I will once again have to venture out in the world and find someone to paddle.

But not just yet. Right now I am still enjoying my bubble of isolation.