Ok so things have been a bit odd in Ms. Betty's world lately.
There's spanking and kinky stuff going on, though not much.
Over the past year I have spent a lot of solitary hours exploring my spiritual path and potential avenues that were not open to me before.
(it's amazing what happens when one finally has the peace and quiet to read the things one has always wished to read.)
Recently someone asked if all the quiet of being alone bothered me. It doesn't. I welcome the silence and the time it gives me to think deep thoughts.
I am busier than ever in some ways, but internally I have a new calm that is making the chaos of outer life much easier to manage. I am in the eye of the storm, no longer being tossed around in it's winds... well most of the time, anyway.
I no longer need to justify, rationalize, explain. I simply let things be as they are and accept them as the come.
So when I woke up this morning with a name that seemed familiar ringing in my ears I did not ignore the sign as I once would have. Instead I googled the name. Recognition clicked. Still, I did not think she was actually the person I sought. So I clicked through some links and found another name. And there I found what I think I was supposed to find.
And now comes the dilemma. I have a teacher I have chosen to work with, a woman I admire and respect whom I feel a bond to. She has my trust.
And yet I find myself drawn also to work with this new teacher.
I see a benefit to me, if I can validate what I already know by getting the same information from another source in another way then it is easier to have confidence in my new knowledge.
But if their ways are very different, if they conflict, can I reconcile both?
Am I somehow being disloyal or disrespectful to my first teacher by working with a second as well?
Rationally I know there is no reason not to seek more knowledge, I realize my own teacher worked with many teachers over the years.... But it still feels like I am telling my first teacher "sorry, you weren't good enough" and that's not at all the case. She's been spectacular.
Still hers is only one perspective on a giant subject... I'd like to see what the view is like from the other side of the mountain. I think she'll understand that.
