I sat in a silent house for a little while tonight. No music. No television. Not even the cats stirring. I just sat on the couch, listening to my own heartbeat.
I'm trying to get used to the quiet, you see. My marriage is ending and my husband will be moving out at the end of the month. So soon it will just be me.
And suddenly I feel very small.
So I sat in the quiet awhile and let myself feel all the things stirring inside me, the sadness, the anger, the doubt. It didn't have to be quiet. I could have called one of many friends, tormented a boy, turned on a movie or music, or a dozen other things, but I wanted the quiet. Needed it. I needed to know if I could be ok just by myself. Nothing between me and the void.
And you know what, I can. It's not so bad, the quiet. It doesn't scare me, or devastate me. In fact, it feels pretty good.
And so do I.