When You Get It Right...

I don't really like giving advice. Being semi-cynical I'm always a little bit sure that I'll get it all horribly wrong, but it won't matter because even if I am right the person asking won't listen anyway.

When it comes to spanking matters it's a bit different; there I am sure about being right, but I'm also more sure that the advisee won't listen. Still, they do ask and I have promised to help, so I plunge forward and pray. The nice thing is that despite fearing the worst it usually works out pretty well. Yes, some don't listen but most of the outcomes are fairly good. Some of them are really good. Those are the ones that make all the worry and frustrations worth it.

Recently someone asked a tough question on my group. I won't go into too much detail, as I don't think it's fair to turn what he said on the group into personal blog fodder, but the question did concern me. It was clear from the description that their scene was rife with problems that led up to what went wrong and that their proposed solution was NOT going to help. I hedged, I hemmed, I hawed, I dithered. I don't dither, but I dithered.

It was realizing I was dithering that spurred me on. I didn't want to sound harsh, but these people had asked for help and if I was going to help I had to be frank with them. I picked the scene apart step by step and highlighted the mistakes, the unsafe practices, everything that should have been done differently. I didn't couch it in the usual "just my opinion" speak, either. Sometimes it has it's uses but most of the time I consider it wimpy and there was no room for wimpy in this. I tend to feel that when people qualify their thoughts with those phrases they are waffling, and there is far too much waffling in this world. So I didn't waffle, I gave them both barrels right between the eyes. Then I hid under my desk.

No, not really, but I was tempted. I was sure I was going to get back a lot of angry "how dare you"s and "our way's just as good as your way"s, etc.*** I held my breath and waited for the indignant storm to break.

It didn't come. I actually got a thank you note today from the couple in question. They listened to my suggestions, they talked it over thoroughly and they are going to implement some of them. I am very relieved.

The moral of the story? I guess it's don't be afraid to tell it like it is sometimes. Old news, of course, but why don't more people do it more often?

Ms. Betty
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***Yes sometimes one way is just as good as another. There is a simple test to tell; does the issue in question seriously affect the welfare of one or both partners? If not, then it's aesthetic and there is plenty of room to disagree, but if one way harms someone and another doesn't then there IS most distinctly a right way and wrong way.