Gnome Spanking

I have a favorite computer game called Jardinains. It's a typical break-out style game where you bounce a ball off a little paddle to clear a pattern of bricks, only Jardinains has a little twist.

There are gnomes standing on top of or hiding behind the bricks on every level. These are very bad little gnomes. They laugh at you, make faces, and worst of all throw flower pots from their lofty little perches at the top of the screen. If a flower pot hits you you lose points. Your paddle also freezes for a few seconds, so if it happens at the wrong moment you may miss the ball and lose a life. Not very nice at all.

Thankfully, the gnomes can be punished for this poor behavior. When you knock one down you can bounce him off the paddle the same way you do the ball while he cries "oh! oof! ouch!" in a little high pitched squeak. The longer you spank a gnome the more points you get, and if you spank him long enough he turns into a power up. Some power ups are nasty little tricks, but most of them are very helpful to the game. If you have a power up active, like the exploding ball, when you hit a gnome he goes soaring way up into the air off screen. When this happens Chuck and I say "gnome in orbit!" A few seconds later the gnome comes plummeting back into the atmosphere screaming and trailing a line of sparks. If you bounce him he goes screaming off into orbit again.

You can even shoot them with the laser power up. They don't die, they just cry "ouch!" very indignantly.*

The only trouble is I get so caught up in punishing the gnomes for their pot throwing tantrums that I tend to forget to catch the ball, so I guess I won't be making the high score hall of fame.

But I'm getting plenty of gnome spanking practice while I try.

Ms. Betty

*No gnomes were harmed in the making of this post. Gnomes may be shot or spanked, but only if they deserve it. All guidelines for the correction of delinquent gnome are followed with utmost care. At no time are they made to wear dish towels, work without pay, serve as wine tasters to detect poisons, or painted gold and used as Christmas Tree toppers.