The Middle Letters

Most everyone knows what the letters in the acronym BDSM stand for. Or at least they think they do,but even some long experienced players do not know that the D and the S in the middle actually stand for two things.

The full meaning of the acronym is:

Bondage and Discipline/Dominance and Submission/Sado-Masochism

Most people have heard of Bondage and Discipline (B&D) and most think they understand S&M. Yes, there is a lot of misinformation, ignorance about it out there, but none the less, if you say S&M a mental picture is conjured that gives you at least some idea of what the speaker is talking about.

But Dominance and Submission, or D/s is a bit harder to pin down; it's an area of power exchange that is rarely talked about and little understood, even among heavy players or "lifestylers". It is unfortunate that that is the case, because D/s truly is the heart of BDSM.

D/s is the emotional center of power exchange. It is the dynamic that is the why behind the what. D/s is why you follow the rules set out by another and why you accept punishment if you fail in those rules. D/s is why you heed the orders given. D/s is why you offer up your body to the pain or pleasure that is your Dominant's whim.

But what is D/s? In simplest terms, the Dominant is the one who wields power, the submissive is the one who surrenders it. The Dominant enjoys having the power to make the submissive do something or not do something, and the submissive enjoys "having" to do or not do those things on their Dominant's command.

D/s is also the branch of BDSM that includes things like chastity, forced feminization, and service submission. Basically any time the interaction between "Top" and "bottom" involves requiring the bottom to take action instead of being acted upon, it falls under the umbrella of D/s. Making and serving tea, doing household chores, and tending the Lady in her bath are all examples of D/s activities. D/s games are very popular because they can be carried out discretely any time and anywhere, even in vanilla company. As I mentioned in my Life of an Artist blog, one of the ways Terry and I practiced some D/s was by having him serve as my assistant while I painted.

In the past with other submissives I have exercised D/s by sending them out to run errands such as picking up tools or supplies for an upcoming session. Once when a very bored sub was stuck in a hotel room in a distant city away from home, I sent him a scavenger hunt to keep him busy for the evening.

Often a large portion of long distance power exchange relationships is the submissive having to inflict some form of pain or punishment on himself under the direction of the Dominant. Here once again the thrill of it is not so much feeling the pain, or in having something done to them, the thrill instead comes from knowing someone has the power to make you do it. Without the emotional desire to surrender or submit, the long distance games would not be possible.

In the end, D/s is about control. Those who practice D/s enjoy either having that control or being under the control of another. Sometimes the interactions are serious to the point of solemn, sometimes they are fun and whimsical. The common thread is that the exchange of power is still there. One is in control, the other is not, knows he is not, and enjoys the fact.

Ms. Betty